How to Talk to Your Child About Separation

Telling a child that their parents are separating is one of the hardest conversations a parent can have. These ideas can help you find the words and support your child afterwards.

Choose a calm moment

If you can, tell your child together, in a quiet place where you will not be rushed. Keep the message short and simple, and leave time afterwards to talk.

Tell them it is not their fault

Children often blame themselves. Say clearly, and more than once, that the separation is not their fault and that both parents still love them.

Explain what will change and what will stay the same

• Say where your child will live and who will look after them.
• Say when they will see each parent.
• Keep school, friends and daily routines as steady as you can.

Avoid blame and taking sides

Try not to criticise the other parent in front of your child. Do not ask them to carry messages or to choose between you.

Let them feel what they feel

Your child may feel sad, angry, worried or even relieved. Some children talk openly. Others bottle up their feelings. Let them know they can talk to you at any time, and that they do not have to explain how they feel all at once.

Use a story to open the conversation

In Why Are My Parents Separating?, Lucy blames herself and Dan bottles up his feelings, until a wise old cow named Geraldine helps them understand what is happening at home. Listening together can make it easier for your child to ask their own questions.

Where to get more help

Our Support page lists UK and US organisations that offer advice and helplines for families going through separation.

From the Coping with Growing series: modern fairy tales for life’s big moments.